Elder Is A Noble Task - 03
Start by aspiring to be a good man, husband, and father
I’m not sure when a son first tries to do things like his dad does them. Maybe three or four years old?
Dad shaves his face daily; his son wants the electric razor held to his chin too. Dad drives away to work; his son waves and runs after him up to the edge of the yard until the car is out-of-sight. Dad ties a tie around his neck for Sunday morning worship; his son clips a miniature one to his shirt. A dad will always leave his mark. And these are just the little ways.
Being a father is a noble task. So is being a husband. For a boy turning into a man, both of these are God’s primary assignments.1 God expects a young husband (and father) to learn to be responsible for people, for souls. If the man lacks maturity, that’s about to change. At least if he wants to be a godly man, it will.
I thank God that He gave to me a mature wife, Tracy. She provided strength where I was weak. She was an organizer, a list-keeper, a planner, and she was beautiful! She brought all of that into our marriage at the age of nineteen.
I was twenty-one, and did not possess her maturity. Here’s a sample of my way: I’d only decide to pack a suitcase for a weekend trip five minutes before it was time to leave. I once had someone waiting in the driveway for me while I was jamming two pairs of clean socks in a bag and wondering if I should bring my toothbrush. (I’m sure I didn’t own a suitcase. It would’ve been a gym bag or maybe a paper grocery bag.)
Who would marry someone like that?! It is my experience that most women do. I needed to grow up. I relied an awful lot on my wife to orchestrate things for us.2 Tracy was wonderful. She was a great prize. Still is.
Thankfully, I was an up-and-comer. Raw, but I had potential. We all do. Paul gives expression to this hope when he writes to the Philippians, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”3
Here is what I think. A young man should aspire to be godly as a person. He should then aspire to be a good husband. Then a good father. But we all start somewhere. A tree develops rings over years. You can’t judge its potential by what first shoots out of the ground. But it should keep reaching up.
From the beginning of our marriage, I aspired to be a godly husband and father. I wanted to improve. But I had a lot to change in me. And though I’ve referred to some basic skills like organization, planning, and list-keeping as signs of maturity, there are deeper immaturities that need to be fixed as well. The deeper ones are deadlier. They are vices. Vices harm others. They hinder the young husband’s headship. They sour a child’s impression of his father. So much for wanting to dress like dad, if dad is a slanderer of other people, or cheater in transactions, or a tyrant over mom.
You may aspire to be an elder. And it is a good thing. In fact, I get energized when I see a younger Christian really want to live for God. I also have come to realize, though, how much work needs to be accomplished to grow them to maturity. Deeper work. Steadfast work. They need many rings in the trunk of their tree before they can support the branches for the birds to nest and the beasts to find shelter.4
Those rings develop over time. They appear when we determine to love God and others, love our wives and children, and maintain a proper pursuit of dominion. All the while we prayerfully depend on God to turn our vices into virtues.
These are not the only primary assignments. Positioned before these is the man’s responsibility to work and tend to his occupation, or calling. Adam and Eve were assigned the dominion mandate. Yet some men never marry. Some women don’t either. Still work is a constant requirement for both. I also believe that when divorce occurs, a person’s work becomes one of the best reassurances of their continued purpose before God.
I still do rely on my wife for much of what makes us who we are as a family and household. I would consider myself a fool if I did not rely on my wife for many things. I (we) would not accomplish near as much if we had remained single people.
Philippians 1:6
Daniel 4:10-12 provides a picture of a prosperous and good king, Nebuchadnezzar. It says of him, “The visions of my head as I lay in bed were these: I saw, and behold, a tree in the midst of the earth, and its height was great. The tree grew and became strong, and its top reached to heaven, and it was visible to the end of the whole earth. Its leaves were beautiful and its fruit abundant, and in it was food for all. The beasts of the field found shade under it, and the birds of the heavens lived in its branches, and all flesh was fed from it.” Though Nebuchadnezzar got too full of himself and he had to be cut down.