Spend time with Other Members - 03
The guy that kept to himself
I knew another man who aspired to be an elder because he wanted to teach and preach. His name was Barry. He liked to read and learn. He leaned into theological things. I gave him many books. Further, he stuck it out as a church member for more than three years, five or six actually. He even served as a deacon.
However, like Jacob, Barry did not invest in the people of the church either. His issues were different from Jacob’s. Barry hardly engaged with people at all. He would arrive with his family about ten minutes before worship began. They’d politely greet people as they made way to their pew. And then, after the service, if there were no diaconal duties to perform (such as counting money, discussing a benevolent need, etc.) he would slip out to his vehicle and wait for his wife and children there. Barry did not like interacting. He was more comfortable with his cell phone or listening to a podcast than talking with people.
I told him, “If you want to become an elder of a congregation, then you need to spend time with people. You have to get to know them and they need to get to know you. Hang out in the foyer and talk to people.” He never did. His wife did. And his children did too, though one of them was a bit like dad.
The point of this chapter is that an elder should be chosen from men who are stayers. He should be longtime member of the community. Time is hugely important for measuring a man’s worth; time in decades not in months or years. However, someone can be a stayer and still keep to himself and remain a stranger. This is an impediment to him being ordained to the office because the church cannot really evaluate him.
One of the requirements for elder selection is that the man manages his household well.1 This doesn’t mean that his children sit nicely in the pew during worship. It means that his children have grown into adulthood, under his roof, and still love God and worship Him. It means that the man has provided for his household longterm in things spiritual and material. It means that the man is capable of loving and training others under his authority. And this all becomes a proof to the Church that God has made the man responsible on a smaller scale (his household), and that they might be able to trust the man on a larger scale (God’s household).
If a man keeps to himself, then his decisions and struggles and victories and wisdom and walk with God remain a mystery. Church members need to be able to share in the experiences of a man while he is still shepherding his household. That is how they learn whether he can be trusted.
Sheep need shepherds. And you should not give responsibility for the flock to the one who would rather be on his cell phone.
1 Timothy 3:4